Should I Stay in This Relationship Quiz
Takeaway: Sometimes, it can be tough to tell when a relationship has run its course and when it’s worth it to keep fighting. While the choice is ultimately yours, this “should I stay in my relationship?” quiz can offer perspective to help you decide.
Does the question of whether or not you should stay in your relationship keep you up at night? Have you been battling in your mind if your partner is truly right for you? If this sounds like you, it might be beneficial to take a deeper look at your relationship to determine if it is worth your time and energy. People can get stuck in a level of comfortability which can lead to negative feelings, ignoring signs of misaligned values, or having frequent unresolved conflicts. Healthy relationships are born out of a foundation of friendship. This can then blossom into a deeper connection which fosters the achievement and support of one another's dream.
Relationships are a key aspect of our life and should be a component that is fulfilling, not draining. As a therapist, I hear from clients who have ended their relationship that they wish they had seen the signs that it wasn't working sooner. I also find that people spend precious time getting lost in their past or future instead of focusing on what is happening in the present. In this quiz, you can evaluate your struggles to shed light on your current situation to figure out what decision might best suit your future.
Who is this “should I leave my partner?” quiz for?
This quiz is designed for anyone who is exhausted from attempts to repair their relationship or if you find yourself ruminating over the question of whether you should stay in the partnership. If you feel unhappy, are seeing signs that this may be the wrong relationship, or are on a break with your partner, consider this is a preliminary tool for you to pinpoint areas of concern. You can utilize this if you are an individual who is questioning your relationship or if you are a couple wanting to explore staying or leaving the partnership. Gaining clarity on whether your situation can be saved or if it's time to walk away can be hard to do alone. Take this quiz as a starting point for how to move forward!
Keep in mind that this quiz will not diagnose your relationship, and it is not a replacement for therapeutic treatment. It's also not meant to serve as a crisis resource or resource for abusive relationships.
If you're experiencing a crisis, please contact 988. If you're looking for help with intimate partner violence, please visit this website or contact 1-800-799-7233.
How accurate is this quiz?
While this quiz can serve as a starting point for reflection, it is not intended to give you definitive answers to your questions. Additionally, this quiz is not a comprehensive list of questions to fully assess your relationship, there are many other important questions to explore. Working with one of our individual or couples therapists can assist you in exploring your concerns and safely navigate your relationship. SG Therapy Group's clinicians utilize evidence-based treatment modalities, including the Gottman Method to treat various relationship conflicts.
After the quiz, I'll provide my recommendations for how to proceed depending on the results you get.
Should I stay in my relationship quiz
Should you stay in your current relationship? Take the following quiz to find out.
1. How often do you fantasize about what your life would be like if you were single or dating someone else?
A - Frequently. I think about this almost every day.
B - Sometimes. I think about this every so often.
C - Rarely, I do not fantasize about being single or being with someone else.
2. How often does your significant other criticize you or put you down?
A - Often. This tends to happen frequently.
B - Sometimes. This happens when we argue.
C - Rarely. My partner does not criticize me.
3. Do find your significant other attractive?
A - Not really anymore.
B - At times I find them attractive.
C - Yes, I am attracted to my partner.
4. Does your partner show support in your dreams or values?
A - No. I haven't felt this support.
B - Maybe. They can sometimes show support in my dreams or values.
C - Yes. They often support my values and dreams.
5. How often do you argue with your partner about things that happened in the past?
A - Frequently, we fight often about things from the past.
B - We sometimes have arguments about the past.
C - Rarely do we argue with each other about events in the past.
6. How often do you feel that the relationship is reciprocal (an equal amount of give and take)?
A - Never. I feel like I am not getting anything from this relationship.
B - Occasionally there is give and take between us.
C - There is a great deal of reciprocity in our relationship.
7. Does your partner respect your feelings and ideas even if they don't agree?
A - No, I rarely feel respected by my partner regardless if they agree with me or not.
B - My partner sometimes respects me and my feelings, but not always.
C - I feel respected by my partner even if they don't agree with me.
8. Are you proud to call your significant other your partner?
A - Not really. I can feel embarrassed to call my significant other my partner or I avoid discussing them when friends or family ask.
B - There are times it can feel good to say they are my partner but other times I don't feel proud to admit that we are together.
C - I am generally proud to call my person my partner.
9. How often do you struggle to see a future with your partner?
A - Often. I cannot imagine a future with my partner.
B - Here and there. Sometimes I'm able to see us in the future and sometimes I can't.
C - Never. I do not struggle to see a future with my partner.
10. How willing are you to compromise and work things out with your partner?
A - I'm not wanting to work on this at all
B - I'm not sure
C - I'm hopeful and very willing to work on things
Interpreting your results
If you answered mostly A's, you might want to consider leaving your relationship.
Remember that this quiz is not meant to give you a definitive answer about what you should do regarding your relationship. However, the answers in the A category point to a vital need to evaluate staying in your relationship. For example, the question regarding criticism and put downs alludes to John Gottman's four horsemen, which are the most negative behaviors a relationship can exhibit. They include:
Contempt: attacking sense of self with an intent to insult or abuse
Criticism: verbally attacking personality or character
Defensiveness: victimizing yourself to ward off a perceived attack and reverse the blame
Stonewalling: withdrawing to avoid conflict and convey disapproval, distance, or separation
If your relationship involves any of the above horsemen, it is likely that your relationship needs attention. If you'd like to process this information more deeply with a professional, we are here to help. It is very challenging to assess relationships on your own and it is a sign of strength to reach out.
If most of your answers were B's, you might feel ambivalent towards change or simply unsure of how you feel. Do not worry if this sounds like you because this can be an opportunity to restore hope. Some of these questions can serve as talking points with your partner to check in with each other. Additionally, we can support you if you'd like to focus on exploring any negativity in a safe space.
If the majority of your answers were C's, your relationship seems to be in a good place. No relationship is perfect so keep in mind that challenges are normal and can help the relationship grow. If you are still having doubts, it never hurts to talk about it to a professional. Read more about how we can help or schedule your first session!
A therapist’s perspective on when to stay or leave a relationship
I'd first like to acknowledge that if you are taking a "stay or leave my relationship" quiz, you might be feeling lost and craving immediate advice. I would like to hold space for this uncomfortable feeling and remind you that it takes bravery to seek more insight into your life. This is an act of ultimate self-care!
As a couples and individual therapist in Chicago, I believe healthy relationships are key to a thriving lifestyle. SGTG's therapist, Maddie Persanyi, points out that dependency in relationships works as a paradox: the more you feel you can depend on your partner, the more safe you feel to be independent. Having this sense of stability and security with a partner allows us to achieve our dreams outside the relationship. This can, however, tip in the opposite direction where there is too much dependence on a partner to emotionally, financially, or physically support one another. In this case, I highly recommend seeking couples' counseling to talk about attachment styles within the relationship. If you are unsure of what the problem is, either individual or couples therapy can be a perfect place to dive into your history and help you take the first step.
No matter what the results of the "should I leave in my relationship" quiz say, I encourage you to discuss the results with a therapist where you can speak freely and have your unique needs be met. If you do not feel ready for couples therapy, working with an individual therapist can also provide you with the support you need to process relationship issues.
If you're located in the greater Chicago area and are interested in working together, I invite you to reach out for a complimentary consultation. My colleagues at SG Therapy Group and I look forward to connecting with you!